Let me tell you the story of how I can, actually, be a grown up when the time calls for it. This is also the story of how it's not fun to be a grown up sometimes. This story, like many other stories that I will end up telling, involves my job. More specifically, the job where I am a job coach at a so called "Ranch" (I'm pretty sure I've made my feelings on the legitimacy of what constitutes a ranch out here in Tucson) which involves me being responsible and helping people better do their jobs. It's great. Until now that it is now summer time, we're working outside, we're in the desert and it's snake season. Not just any snake. Rattlesnake. Which is the worst kind. And as you should know, I am terrified of snakes. They are my biggest fear. But this is the story of how I faced my fears.
Let me set the scene for you:
Recently (Thursday if you must know), I was at work at the Ranch. It was after lunch, and since there were only four clients and two job coaches, everyone was busy working on their respective jobs. I was helping one client prepare supplements for the horses when suddenly a scream broke the silence. All eyes and ears turned to the shed where one of our clients was supposed to be getting out the muck rakes to clean up the horses pen. She kept screaming, "Snake, snake," which of course caused all the clients to run in the general direction of the shed, because, hello, there's something super exciting going on and who wouldn't want to be in on that? Me, that's who. Now, normally even just hearing the word snake will cause me to fear exceedingly. I'm serious. Usually when there is a snake sighting I flee to the nearest possible place of refuge.
Now, here is why being a grown up is totally not a good idea. Because inside, I was calculating how long it would take to get into the house and lock all the doors. But on the outside, I totally had to be calm and convince the clients that it was best to stay away from what could possibly be a snake in the shed and just keep working. The client who discovered the alleged snake was the only one who fled the scene. But as soon as the other job coach confirmed that it was, indeed a snake (and not just any snake, but the dreaded rattlesnake itself) everything sort of deteriorated in our work day. Oh, sure, we got the supplements to the horses and the pen was successfully cleaned out and I managed to keep my clients from going crazy. However, the strangest thing that has ever happened to me, happened. I had no concern for the snake whatsoever. I was more concerned with making sure my clients stayed on task. I was responsible. And adult. And I didn't even fear the snake!!! Amazing.
However, the most exciting part of the story happened after the snake was discovered in the shed. While the other job coach was keeping an eye on the snake situation, mostly just trying to re-find the snake in the crowded shed, I was tasked with calling the fire department so that they could come kill the snake for us. Now, where I'm from, if you call the fire department to come kill a snake for you they would probably laugh and tell you to either kill it yourself or just leave it alone. But I'm in Tucson now, where apparently even the manliest of men do not feel equipped to kill a rattlesnake. Seriously. I would have laughed, except that would probably not have gone over well. But come on, I've actually witnessed my Grandma kill a whole nest of rattlesnakes once while I escaped to higher ground with the dog. If my Grandma can kill a whole nest of rattlesnakes I'd assumed that a guy who works at a ranch, even a ranch that isn't really much of a ranch in my opinion, could successfully find and kill one snake that was hiding in the shed.
As it turned out, it took three firefighters to do that. And unfortunately, I'd been working all day and therefore didn't look my best. So, no husbands were found that day. But at least I learned something about myself that is actually pretty great. I can be a calm and collected adult, even when snakes are involved, when I have to be. But of course, now I'm slightly terrified to walk outside in the dark, lest snakes be lurking and waiting to strike.
In other news, that rooster from before still hates me. He hasn't attacked, but he keeps giving me the crazy eye. I'm fairly certain he's just waiting for the right moment to go all ninja on me again. In the mean time, watch out for snakes and eat a lot of chicken!
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